Recently, whilst talking to God, He spoke a word to me that’s opening up a world of freedom to my weary way of thinking.
To understand this transforming revelation, I suppose it’s necessary to tell you that years back – I turned from God in an ugly way, but this isn’t a confessional and that’s not the direction we’ll go today.
Before I turned my back on Him, I loved the communion we had, the quiet times, the walks, the anointing I knew when I sang publically or taught a class or spoke to a crowd. But all of that changed when I no longer felt worthy of His presence. Forgiving oneself can be incredibly hard, though He gave me His forgiveness in an instant.
Since then I’ve struggled at almost every turn. He’s always been with me; He’s loved me and shared with me. He’s blessed me to be His pen. I love it! But – I’ve wrestled with that issue of worthiness. Truth be known, none of us is worthy of His love – yet He loves us anyway. We’re only made worthy by His grace, His sacrifice. And I know this. But….
The other morning while praising Him and sharing what was on my heart, I told Him, “I wish our relationship was like it was before.” He spoke, “I don’t.” Before His words even began to resonate in my heart, I was flooded with the freedom from needing to ‘fix’ our relationship and trying to make it like it was before. Along with those two simple words, “I don’t” came the understanding that:
*we’re past that
*this is better
*there’s more to come, the best!
*that was only the beginning
*God is always moving in me, growing me and our relationship
*that was just the kiddie pool
*what we had wasn’t what God wanted no matter how ‘great’ it looked to me – He has so much more for me
*I’ve been looking back instead of forward; I need to break off the rearview mirror if necessary
*I need to LET IT GO and move beyond it, He has
Though to all of this it could be said, “Duh!” I needed this nugget of revelation – and I now have it. I’m free to move forward without longing for the past!