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However, I don't actually remember asking for God's input on the matter. You know, you don't ask God if you should stop at the next traffic light. If it's red, you stop without giving it a second thought.
Then, I heard God weigh in on the matter.
After wrestling with my version of failure and questioning everything remotely related to the issue at hand, and redundantly asking the input of others, I opened my heart up enough to listen.
God's 'still small voice' said, "That wasn't your assignment."
No explanation necessary.
Surely, He might have frowned at the look of astonishment that overtook my face. Like a teacher who's stubborn student just 'doesn't get it' no matter what teaching approach they use, He might also have wanted to roll His eyes. A lesser god could even have given up on me.
But, no. He's long-suffering. He's patient. And, no, He didn't bite off more than He could chew when He took on loving me and drawing me to Himself.
He didn't scratch His head and whisper to the rest of the Trinity, "What do we do with this one?"
He didn't scrap His plans for my life.
He didn't rethink the purposes He created in me.
Instead, I felt His warm presence wrap me safely in the mantle of His mercy.
Anger fell away.
Loss was once again replaced with purpose. This time, I eagerly inquired of HIS purpose, pushing my puny human plans aside. Plans, mind you, that I'd thought ideal.
If you’ve ever found yourself sitting on this very same step, tell me your story…..please?
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)