Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ezer Part 2

Lately I’ve had to face the fact that loving everyone isn’t quite as easy as I thought it would be. Up until this place in my life, I’ve found it quite simple to love most everyone that crossed my path, even those that cut across the paths of my life with sharp razor blades! I’ve not had to wrestle with forgiving most of the offenders in my life – just a few.

But the further into my life I allow a relative stranger venture, the more I find myself protecting my heart and putting up walls and closing doors that I’m meant to love through. Perhaps I plan on sliding my love through in an envelope under the doors, or tossing my love over the tall walls in note wrapped around a rock. I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to work, though love can be shown through what I write when it’s my only way to show it. I think love is supposed to be more ‘hands on’. I think I have to love the way I want to be loved, personally. If the object of my love is out of reach, letters, text messages and phone calls may be all I feel I have to reach out with. But written messages and even calls can be vague and my emotions might not be read correctly.

So now I work on tearing down the walls and opening the doors to those around me. I wouldn’t have thought the work to do so would be so hard, or the walls so high and the doors so tightly slammed shut.

When (not if) I open the doors, I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable, which is something many of us have vowed never to do again. By the time we escape childhood, most of us have been hurt enough to swear off the pain that can accompany loving and being loved.

To be continued again.....

1 comment:

  1. Do you think that you put up wallsbecause you were a military wife for so long or because of hurts that you have endured in lfe? Or both?