Thursday, January 28, 2010

Anger - In Me?

I'm endeavoring to learn about anger, specifically my own anger. It's come to my attention that I have anger that I don't deal with, at least, I don't deal with it correctly. I know, some of you may say, 'Well, who's to say what 'correctly' is?'

I'm curious - how many of you who will read this have ever seen me angry? How many would say they've ever seen me go into a rage? How many would say I can become abusive?

Getting to the root of anger is a whole different trail, but one I will follow. But last night I was thinking about the effects of anger - especially on those we take our anger out on.

I see others get angry, but I haven't always associated what I feel about their expressions of anger -with me, and how I've expressed my anger.

I've watched and listened as parents scream and threaten and even cuss at their children.

I've watched as parent's 'punished' their children unfairly.

I've watched fair spankings, and spankings or just plain hitting, that weren't even spankings.

I've never seen a parent draw blood or throw a child across a room or leave a child unconscious, thank God.

But when the parent was venting their frustrations and anger, instead of justly and fairly dishing out an appropriate punishment, it was still rage and abuse.

I've felt the blood run to my face and my heart race within me, wanting to defend the child. ...I've felt shame and wondered why I didn't intervene.... Wasn't it just as cruel of me not to at least speak up? If I said nothing, did the parent think I found their behavior acceptable? Did the child think I was on the 'side' of the one inflicting their pain if I stood by and did nothing, or looked the other way? Who's side WAS I on?

How could I NOT stand up for the innocent!?!

Was I too embarrassed? Was I afraid of the parent? Was it simply 'not my place'?

Could it possibly be because I could identify with the anger the parent was expressing? Not finding it acceptable, but understanding it.

If I could go back in time and watch reruns of our lives two decades or so ago, would I approve of the parent I was and how I vented my anger? Or would I be disgraced at my own outrages? Was I a cruel mother when I was angry? Was I verbally or physically abusive when I let anger get the best of me?

True, the parent's anger most likely was not even caused by the child, the child is simply the one there to feel the outburst and onslaught of screaming, threatening, cussing or hitting.

What do we do about it? If we do this to our own children, what will THEY do to theirs? Will it become a learned behavior? Will it be passed onto them without them even realizing it?

Is it acceptable to the person in the rage? Do they justify it in their own minds?

They say 'hurting people, hurt people'.

It's past time to step up to the plate and break the cycles of abuse. It's past time to deal with the rage and the anger. It's past time to get rid of the anger that's found it's way into our own hearts and minds. It's time for healing.

Jesus is the Healer.

Monday, January 25, 2010


One morning in church, Pastor spoke from Matthew 16:13-19
Matthew 16:13-20 (King James Version)
13When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?
14And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.
15He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?
16And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.
17And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.
18And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
19And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

...and here are a few of the tidbits I got out of it... besides some of the obvious things I was SUPPOSED to take away from this, like the rock that Jesus refers to isn't Peter himself, but the revelation from God that Peter recieved.... hence, the 'rock of (revealed by God alone) revelation' is the rock He will build His church on....
God and I have conversations all the time. Yes, I know some of you may think that odd. Not so much that I talk to God, but that He talks to me and that I hear Him, but yesterday morning He showed me that according to verse 19 whatever I allow, God allows. Plain and simple. So I had to ask myself, What am I allowing???? I'm allowing way too much negative junk in my life. And if I allow it, how can God stop it? He gave those keys to ME! Lord, open my eyes. Show me the lies I've believed, and show me plainly what I've been allowing that I need to bind up and get rid of!!
I control what goes on in my heart. No one else. God told me that He is calling me into accountability. I'm accountable for what I know. And I know way too much to let satan beat me down!
God also showed me that my actions have consequences. Duh, I know. But sometimes we get so haughty we think that some of our own actions should go without consequences. Maybe just because we're Christians? I don't know... but I really didn't think it was fair that I gained back so much weight while we were on vacation.... but, my actions had consequences. I ate whatever I darn well pleased, and didn't exercise at all.... duh, no brainer. But my SPIRITUAL actions have consequences as well...... that's even BIGGER! My spiritual actions (or lack thereof) will have spiritual AND physical consequences. I can't afford to be lazy with God...... I need to start declaring God's Word, with boldness!
I love you all. ~Helen!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Starting Over Again

How many times do we begin something over, only to wind up back where we started once again? I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions and expect a different result...or something like that. Sometimes I feel like I'm just banging my head into a brick wall, not coming away with any change but the bloody head.
I'm drawing the conclusion that each time I begin again, I may start out thinking that this time I'm going to do it God's way - but truthfully, I just try a way that seems 'new' to me. If I were honestly listening for God to show me His way, things would turn out different.
The words 'obedient' and 'submission' and 'steadfastness' keep echoing in my mind, almost at a scream sometimes. I know it's God. Seriously, He is SO patient with me! Still, I'm wrestling with just what it is that I'm resisting so concretely. It's probably as obvious as the nose on my face (have you seen my nose? LOL) It's so much easier to look around at your friends and see what they're missing, or doing wrong. Yet it can be so hard to look in the mirror and see what WE are missing or doing wrong.
In the book of Galatians chapter 3 verse 3 God says to His people "Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?" (KJV)
I think one puzzle piece I have out of place is that I try to make myself perfect, myself, instead of allowing God to work it all out His way. To get that puzzle piece in place, I have to get my flesh out of the way!
You might observe me at some time acting foolish. But I don't want God to see me that way. I covet your prayers as I endeavor to leave the flesh behind and seek His Spirit! <3