Sunday, July 12, 2015

Cutting Each Other Out


With all the memes on social media suggesting we “let go” of the dead weight of people who’ve hurt us; of broken or damaged relationships – we all interpret those messages in our own personal way, in the sights of our own brokenness. 

We may defensively share the meme and throw out a defiant, “Heck yeah! Curse so-and-so!” Do we honestly think that agreeing with the memes or blasting those who’ve wounded us can “seal the deal” and put our pain behind us?

OR – we may roll our eyes and blow past the memes with any measure of scoffing.

OR – we may ponder the meme and its implications in our struggles.

What does it entail to let go of the important people in our lives? And why are they so important in the first place? Can we truly let them go?

To “let someone go” doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll “go away” or that the effects of their behavior will no longer be present in our lives.

Do some of these memes perhaps hint that we can cut people out of our lives in the simple way we can cut them out of our social media world; by “unfriending” them – or by “blocking” them from our social media pages?

When the offender is a parent or spouse or a friend you’ve had since childhood, with whom you’ve shared most everything, except perhaps, that they’re hurting you, or someone else integrally tied to your world, is it, or should it be as simple as a “click of a button”?

Looking at the smiles on the faces of so many of our friends (real or on social media) may deceive us into thinking we’re alone in our pain and suffering. Who knows, social media may even undermine our healthy relationships with imagined problems because - “everyone else is miserable”. We may jump to conclusions about each other’s happiness or lack thereof.

John Bevere wrote a great book (with DVD) called, The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense. Available here, if you’d like to take a peek at it. I’ll come back to it in a minute.

Sometimes we’re too easily convinced we’re wrong or selfish for looking at ourselves; our own lives and our own needs. As if self-care is a selfish thing. But, how can we effectively help others if we’re all bound-up, ourselves? How can we un-cuff the wrists of those around us, if our own hands are tied?

When the plumb line in our own lives is not straight, no matter how many decorations we hang on our walls to make us more appealing, or even healthier people, they’ll all be hung crooked. Eventually our masks will fall off; people will see right through us. 

(plumb line: a tool that consists of a small, heavy object attached to a string or rope and that is used especially to see if something (such as a wall) is perfectly vertical. Merriam-Webster dictionary)

If I don’t believe swallowing this little green pill will help me enough to take it, why would I insist that you take it? This could be deception at its best; perhaps for both of us.

Does our pain, suffering, anger, sorrow, struggling, loneliness or our need to attack others, even within our defensiveness, have more to do with what’s going on in us as opposed to what others are doing around us?

Can our plumb lines be so skewed, that not seeing it yet – we defensively blame others for our misery?

To refer you to someone who’s looked at this much more closely than I have, I’ll point you back to the book I mentioned by John Bevere, The Bait of Satan. It might be something you’re meant to read (or watch on DVD). He’ll back up what he’s saying with much more than a short blog post. I’m pulling it off the shelf as soon as I’m done here, to reread it myself.

If we’re taking on garbage that doesn’t belong in our trash cans, it’s bending us and breaking us beneath the weight of the load, skewing that plumb line of ours.

If we refuse other people’s trash, perhaps we’ll have less need to cut them out of our lives.


If we take back the power and influence over us that we’ve let slip through our fingers (sometimes not so willingly, but reluctantly, in exchange for something we needed or thought we needed at the time) – if we can do that and begin to stand up straighter, our plumb line should begin to align itself. In so doing, I believe our defensiveness will fade, our anger can subside and our need to cut people out of our lives may begin to take on a different feel.

People are not our enemies.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood…
…but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." - Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

I propose that many of our struggles are orchestrated within our own hearts.

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