Processing Anger?

We all get angry at someone sooner or later in life. Some people live their lives filled with anger, getting angry at everyone for every little possible thing imaginable. Some people even wear their anger like it’s a sash from a beauty contest. I wish they could see the ugliness of their anger in the mirror. (Albeit, there is a righteous anger.)

But when you get angry at someone you love, the hurt runs deeper on both ends of the conversation.

I had such an incident recently. I became very angry and enraged on the inside at what I thought was the betrayal of a confidence.

I know and you know that in the Lord’s Prayer, we pray, “…forgive us our trash passing as we forgive those who pass trash against us.” Isn’t that what it says? (And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. - Matthew 6:12)

In the spirit of wanting to walk in God’s forgiveness, I knew immediately that I needed to forgive the transgression, but in the moment, I really didn’t FEEL like I wanted to forgive just yet. I wanted to stew in it for a little while.

Yes, I knew that was wrong. That’s not how I want Jesus to forgive me. I want His forgiveness to be swift and complete.

I felt the Spirit of God speaking to my heart, “Forgive and let it go. Don’t bring it up again.”

What?? Don’t throw it in his face until my anger subsides on its own??

No, God wanted me to forgive immediately and completely, just like the forgiveness I want from Him.

You know, when your heart is tender towards God, it’s so much easier to do what He requires of you.

Immediately, my heart began to melt. Yet I wanted to fuss about the ‘not bringing it up again’ part.

It’s a choice.

It’s MY choice.

Do I submit to God and do things His way? Or do I do my own thing? (Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. - James 4:10)

That’s where the biggest choices we have to make every day lie, in our submission to God and His will for our circumstances. And – sometimes, what we perceive to be His will won’t make sense in the moment. But, do we trust Him, or not?

I choose to trust Him.

So, I won’t bring up the petty issue again even though it caused so much fluster in my heart. It’s a waste of energy. I don’t have energy to waste on things like that. I cherish every ounce of energy I can muster up – and I need to put it to good use!

So yeah, that’s my challenge to you for the day (and upcoming days). Let go of the anger, and if God so instructs, don’t bring the issue up again. It’s not worth it. So I guess the challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to honor God and submit to His will in all things. (Submit yourself, therefore, to God. - James 4:7)

I love you!

 

Your Best You

 

(youchoose.or.au)

Disappointment and sadness come into our worlds on a regular basis. Yet some of the faces around us seem to smile all the time. Why?

Amid other speculations, perhaps we’re seeing a mask, to disguise the sorrow they’re going through. Maybe, we’re looking at someone who doesn’t understand the ramifications of the news they’ve just received. Or perhaps, they choose joy.

Is it possible to receive devasting news and allow a smile to rise up in your heart? While we may often need to release our feelings through tears or angry outbursts, I believe it’s a choice whether or not to surrender to joy. It’s one of the choices we regularly make.

You cannot force joy, it comes new every morning, along with the mercies of God. By the way, joy and happiness are not the same thing. Joy gives your strength even when you’re not happy.

Ponder this: the God of the universe created you and knows you better than you know yourself. He knows your thoughts before you think them, and yes, He knows what lies ahead of you and how you’ll respond to Him each day. He knows your weaknesses and your limitations. He also knows what you’re capable of, and He trusts you to reach for the best version of you. Not just the best version of you that YOU can imagine, but the one He created when He knit you together in your mother’s womb; the best that you can be, each day.

That would require incredible strength.

Along with those incredible expectations, God provides that great strength.

Instead of responding to negative circumstances with tears of sorrow or wrestling with frustrations or outbursts of anger, what if we responded to God? Let me say that backwards. What if we respond to God - instead of to our circumstances?

God is within our circumstances; He also surrounds us in the midst of them.

God is the one constant in our lives. Circumstances change. The people who surround us change, and the ones who travel with us through life sometimes change how they interact with us.

God’s love for us never changes. He’s always within reach. He always provides what we need, when we need it. Even when to our human heart it may feel like He hasn’t shown up yet, He’s here, working with us, in us and through us. He has not left us, and He promises He never will. (Hebrews 13:5)

What we need and when we need it may look quite different from God’s heavenly perspective. We can’t see the big picture like He does; we’re still on this side of eternity. We sometimes feel like God doesn’t hear or answer our prayers when we’re only looking at the situation from our puny human perspective.

Don’t limit God. Don’t tie His hands by turning from Him, pouting and going your own way. He IS the Way, the Truth and the Light. He’s seen your future since before the foundations of the earth were laid. Trust Him. Choose joy in the midst of what you don’t understand.

To scripturally recap:

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” - Nehemiah 8:10

“Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not of your own understanding.”  – Proverbs 3:5 

Write Anyway

(photo from indeanexpress.com)

Writing, whether in blog format, or journaling or for a project, taps into my soul and my spirit, even when I’m not aware of it.

I suppose that’s why I neglect writing when I’m hurting or sad or fearful.

God wants me to turn to Him, of course, in those times of need, just as He wants me to share with Him in my joyous times and celebrations.

But, the heaviness of the hard times can weigh us down and tempt us to curl up in a ball inside of ourselves. We can convince ourselves not to reach outward and upward, but to reach inward and wallow in the grief and anguish.

Without God, I am undone, in good times or in bad. I just recognize it more clearly in the bad times.

Celebrations can cover over feelings of emptiness or lacking, because there are so many distractions while celebrating.

But, sometimes, a person can sink so low, that even amidst celebrations, they’re pretending; forcing the image of sharing in the revelry. That can magnify sorrows even more intensely.

I suppose most of us who put our blogs out there in cyberspace are really writing to and for ourselves. Those who have a larger following may cater more to what their readers want or even ask for. But, those of us with smaller audiences basically pour out our hearts, in hopes that perhaps something we say can bless someone in some small way.

(picture from pinterest.com)

It frustrates me that my posts have become so infrequent and sporadic. It frustrates me that I feel I have less and less to share. But, it frustrates me most, that from the wealth God has given me, I feel as though my bucket is running dry.

Feelings can betray us. If I feel as though you’re judging me and you’re not, I’m feeling something that isn’t even true. Thus, I know that I know that I know that God’s eternal life springs up within me, even when I feel my proverbial bucket has run dry.

I've got a river of life flowing out of me

makes the lame to walk and the blind to see

opens prison doors, sets the captives free

I've got a river of life flowing out of me.

Spring up, O well, within my soul

Spring up, O well, and make me whole

Spring up, O well, and give to me

that life abundantly

Click here for: River of Life Song

(photo from iamhealed.net)

Should I just stick to praying for you, instead of writing to you? Or will the enemy of my soul then seek to steal that from me, also? He’s already stolen most of my songs….not this, too!

No. I’ll write. I may continue to be sporadic and sparse, but, I’ll continue to write.

I’ll write when no one reads. I’ll write when I write through tears. I’ll write – even when I don’t share it in a blog post.

But, I’ll write.

To God be the glory. He who began a good work in me, shall be faithful to complete it.  (Philippians 1:6 paraphrased, I sometimes memorize scripture via song choruses.)

“Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” – John 4:13-14 (KJV)

Click here for: God Will Make a Way Song

(picture from crossmap.com)

What's In Your Closet?

(picture from pinterest.com)

Last week our pastor made mention of a book that intrigued me. I haven’t gotten it yet, but, I took note of it. From a Women’s Aglow Bible study, it’s called Shame; the Thief of Intimacy.

Sometimes shame, like other negative feelings, can bring us down. We can wear it like a cozy bathrobe, not even aware of how it’s dragging us into darkness, until it’s too late. It’s a subtle thing, we reach for it there on the hook in our bathroom, right where we left it that last time we shook it off.

(photo from houzz.com)

 But, shame isn’t the only thief in our wardrobe.

Throughout our average day, we may well put on something that looks more like depression, sadness, sorrow, anxiety, worry or fear.

Throughout scripture, we read about clothing ourselves; in the righteousness of God (Isaiah 61:10; Ephesians 4:22-24), in the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18), with praise and rejoicing (Isaiah 61:1-2)….

I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. – Isaiah 61:10 (NIV)

When I show up at the elementary school to pick up my granddaughter, if I notice I’ve spilt coffee on my shirt, it’s too late to do anything about it. If I’d noticed it before I left the house, I could have changed into something clean, and avoided any embarrassment.

So, maybe one of our first steps into the day should include looking at ourselves in our spiritual mirror (the Word of God) to see if we line up with what He has to say about us. (James 1:22-25)

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom,and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. – James 1:22-25 (NIV)

(photo from etsy.com)

Pastor also mentioned something about pride being the root of a poor self-image. Say what? Didn’t make sense to me at first, but he went on to explain that pride says that what my opinion is of me, is more correct than what God thinks of me. Ouch!

So, if I feel worthless or shameful or defeated, that’s truer than what my Creator, the God of the Universe has to say about me???

Yeah, I guess that would be pride.

God knew we’d have hard days; days when we feel as if the world is moving on without us, days when we feel worthless, days when sorrow overwhelms us, and days when the bad news just won’t stop coming. As a matter of fact, we can quote His Word, saying, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.– John 16:33

His Word also tells us to put on the garment of praise in exchange for the spirit of heaviness. Here it is, tucked into some of my favorite verses.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
   and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. – Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

So no matter how we’re feeling today, look need into the mirror of the Word of God, throw our shoulders back and admit it; what He says about us is true.

Yes, we will overcome – even this.

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. – 1 John 4:4 (KJV)

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. – 1 John 5:4 (KJV)

Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? – 1 John 5:5 (KJV)

What’s in your closet?

(photo from myclothinghelper.com)

Cutting Each Other Out

(mesmerizingquotes.com)

With all the memes on social media suggesting we “let go” of the dead weight of people who’ve hurt us; of broken or damaged relationships – we all interpret those messages in our own personal way, in the sights of our own brokenness. 

We may defensively share the meme and throw out a defiant, “Heck yeah! Curse so-and-so!” Do we honestly think that agreeing with the memes or blasting those who’ve wounded us can “seal the deal” and put our pain behind us?

(pinterest.com)

OR – we may roll our eyes and blow past the memes with any measure of scoffing.

OR – we may ponder the meme and its implications in our struggles.

What does it entail to let go of the important people in our lives? And why are they so important in the first place? Can we truly let them go?

To “let someone go” doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll “go away” or that the effects of their behavior will no longer be present in our lives.

Do some of these memes perhaps hint that we can cut people out of our lives in the simple way we can cut them out of our social media world; by “unfriending” them – or by “blocking” them from our social media pages?

When the offender is a parent or spouse or a friend you’ve had since childhood, with whom you’ve shared most everything, except perhaps, that they’re hurting you, or someone else integrally tied to your world, is it, or should it be as simple as a “click of a button”?

(wackybuttons.com)

Looking at the smiles on the faces of so many of our friends (real or on social media) may deceive us into thinking we’re alone in our pain and suffering. Who knows, social media may even undermine our healthy relationships with imagined problems because - “everyone else is miserable”. We may jump to conclusions about each other’s happiness or lack thereof.

John Bevere wrote a great book (with DVD) called, The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense. Available here, if you’d like to take a peek at it. I’ll come back to it in a minute.

(amazon.com)

Sometimes we’re too easily convinced we’re wrong or selfish for looking at ourselves; our own lives and our own needs. As if self-care is a selfish thing. But, how can we effectively help others if we’re all bound-up, ourselves? How can we un-cuff the wrists of those around us, if our own hands are tied?

When the plumb line in our own lives is not straight, no matter how many decorations we hang on our walls to make us more appealing, or even healthier people, they’ll all be hung crooked. Eventually our masks will fall off; people will see right through us. 

(aristidesateliers.com)

(plumb line: a tool that consists of a small, heavy object attached to a string or rope and that is used especially to see if something (such as a wall) is perfectly vertical. Merriam-Webster dictionary)

If I don’t believe swallowing this little green pill will help me enough to take it, why would I insist that you take it? This could be deception at its best; perhaps for both of us.

Does our pain, suffering, anger, sorrow, struggling, loneliness or our need to attack others, even within our defensiveness, have more to do with what’s going on in us as opposed to what others are doing around us?

Can our plumb lines be so skewed, that not seeing it yet – we defensively blame others for our misery?

To refer you to someone who’s looked at this much more closely than I have, I’ll point you back to the book I mentioned by John Bevere, The Bait of Satan. It might be something you’re meant to read (or watch on DVD). He’ll back up what he’s saying with much more than a short blog post. I’m pulling it off the shelf as soon as I’m done here, to reread it myself.

If we’re taking on garbage that doesn’t belong in our trash cans, it’s bending us and breaking us beneath the weight of the load, skewing that plumb line of ours.

If we refuse other people’s trash, perhaps we’ll have less need to cut them out of our lives.

(thekingdomlifenow.com)

If we take back the power and influence over us that we’ve let slip through our fingers (sometimes not so willingly, but reluctantly, in exchange for something we needed or thought we needed at the time) – if we can do that and begin to stand up straighter, our plumb line should begin to align itself. In so doing, I believe our defensiveness will fade, our anger can subside and our need to cut people out of our lives may begin to take on a different feel.

People are not our enemies.

(biblehub.net)

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood…

…but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." - Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

I propose that many of our struggles are orchestrated within our own hearts.

Pushing My Way In

(Meme from pinterest.com)

One of my favorite quotes: “And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais

Most of the time, I suppose we create the drama in our own lives – it’s viability is based on our responses to what’s going on around us.

At times of emotional upheaval (which I’m experiencing in overload capacity, lately), I tend to look inward and ponder a plethora of questions about myself. Oftentimes, I look outward and challenge the behaviors of those around me. And sometimes, I mentally or verbally attack those whom I believe are unjustly hurting me; whether I’m actually their target or not.

My energies are probably best served looking inward, because I’m the only one I can truly change. I can make an impact, either positive or negative, on those around me; those who rub me like sandpaper and those who uplift and encourage me. But, we generally change who we are from the inside-out.

Granted, people who lose a lot of weight can respond to the new-found attention they may receive and alter their behavior. But, again, that’s all coming from the inside; their response to that perceived attention. If we were to be the victim of a car accident and lose our legs, that would alter what we can do, or at the very least, how we do it – but if it changes who we are, it’s because of internal responses to what we’ve been through. So literally, the accident can remove my legs, but my response can cripple me.

(photo from mynewnormals.com)

Being transparent here; when I find myself the “victim” of insults or criticism, I tend to want to lash out verbally. And while I may not confront you to your face, my sin will gravitate toward the ugliness of gossip as I tell someone else how cruel you found it necessary to treat me.

I suppose it’s some perverted picture of self-protection, but, clearly it doesn’t actually do any self-protecting. It doesn’t protect anyone. It just passes the hurt along. Someone once said that if I kill you, you die once. If I gossip about you, I can kill you a million times over. Ouch!

In my moments of tenderness and vulnerability, when I ponder who I am and what I’m doing in this great big world, my purpose in being here and how I’m influenced by all of you around me, I find there’s healing that needs to take place on a buried level; I have to search it out.

Only God knows me well enough to navigate the waters of my internal being, so I turn to Him to be my guide, for my own heart can deceive me.

“For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.” – 1 John 3:20 (KJV)

(photo from tehcute.com)

I can turn to my friends for support, but only God knows me inside and out, and knows me better than I know myself. Sadly, I often turn to others, expecting them to “fix” me. I know better. I guess turning to others verbally, out-loud, somehow feels like I’m validating my pain. So, I have to ask myself, would I rather think I’m validating my pain, or step into the healing I so badly need?

There’s a song in Psalm 61, I sang it often in years gone by. But, like so many of those songs, I need to dig it out again. You may remember it, too? I’ll share the song version I learned, but the actual scripture is slightly different.

Hear my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer.

From the ends of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

For Thou hast been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in Thy presence forever, I will trust in the covert of Thy wings.

Hear my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer.

From the ends of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

For Thou, O God, hast heard my cry, Thou hast given me the heritage of Your sons,

I will abide in Thy presence forever, I will trust in the covert of Your wings.

Hear my cry, O God, attend unto my prayer.

From the ends of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.

(photo from pbase.com)

Can you relate at all?

Open Heart

(Picture from walterlogeman.com)

God sees my heart! He sees me struggle, He sees me fall. But, praise His Name, He doesn’t base my future on the mistakes of my past. Yes, He sees my heart!

God sees beyond the occasional bad word that slips through my lips when I indulge in fits of anger. He sees past the selfishness of my taste buds when I just have to have a piece of chocolate that’s not on my diet. He looks through the fears that sometime prompts less than proper or acceptable behavior; and He gazes on my heart.

And what does my heart look like? Is it black with sin? Is it ugly and angry and filled with hate that motivates inexcusable temper tantrums?

No, because I’ve yielded to the power of His Holy Spirit. In me, He sees a heart that is hungry for more of Him; hungry for more of His Word and for more of His power.

Does that make my mistakes okay? No. But, they are forgivable. And He freely forgives. The only hang-up is when we refuse to accept His forgiveness; when we’re too proud to acknowledge that we need it, and we choose not to receive it.

More than thirty years ago I gave my heart to Him. It was a night of divine revelation, when He broke through my fears and my pain and revealed to me His great and mighty and powerful and jealous love for me. Though the choice was mine, how could I refuse Him?

It wasn’t just the most overwhelming feeling in the world; it was the most incredible knowledge in the world! And I now possess that knowledge! I can deny it; I can hide it or try to ignore it, and can discard it as if it were a lie. It’s mine to do with as I please.

I choose to live in this knowledge; to walk in it daily. I choose to embrace it, to engage with it, to prosper in it, to explore it and to find eternal salvation in it.

I choose life!

When you watch a love story unfold before you on the silver screen, what happens to your heart as you see the star lovers miss each other? Why is our heart in our hands when the man and the woman seem destined to meet on that rooftop or on that subway ride or in that park – and something comes up to keep one from making it? The other is left, alone, believing the lie that the other had no intention of showing up.

But, God always shows up.    Right on time.    Always.

What holds you back?

“For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. – 1 John 3:20 (KJV)

Your Move

(photo courtesy of www.spiritualwisdom.org.uk)

 Often, we find ourselves at a place of decisions that point to eternity. Those places of decision don’t occur just once in a lifetime, but we’re unlikely to know when our last opportunity shows up.

I touch relatively few hearts and minds in light of all the lives being lived at this moment. But, every adult I encounter has betrayed God at one time or another, perhaps even on a daily basis.

In the place of decision-making, we can identify with Judas, who betrayed Jesus then went out and hung himself; he was unable to forgive himself and unable to believe that God could forgive him as well.

But, we can also identify with Peter, who denied Jesus three times (that we know of) yet submitted himself to God and received forgiveness for what he’d done and went on to share the gospel of Jesus Christ in a glorious manner, denying himself for Christ’s sake.

One of my favorite scripture choruses declares, “It’s Your kindness that leads us to repentance, O Lord….” It derives it’s message from Romans 2:4 (probably the NIV). Looking at the Amplified Version, we read more clearly, what the author says. “…are you [so blind as to] trifle with and presume upon and despise and underestimate the wealth of His kindness and forbearance and long-suffering patience? Are you unmindful or actually ignorant [of the fact] that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repent (to change your mind and inner man to accept God’s will)?”

Too many times I’ve beat myself up over my own bad decisions, choices I’ve made which glorified sin and turned my back on the God Who loves me unconditionally. Too many times I’ve watched others go through the same thing, sometimes refusing to admit they’re wallowing in guilt and shame; running from God and His antidote for the sickness that destroys them.

The whole point of the gospel is to reveal the Savior that came to take our guilt and shame and the punishment for our sins, so that we could live life abundantly and in harmony with Him, forever. Jesus died in our place so that we could have eternal life with Him. His love is beyond our comprehension. He IS love.

The darkness that envelops us comes from the enemy, and from within our own hearts.

God is still kind to you. He’s still leading you to Himself. He does not condemn you. He still trusts you to choose eternal freedom through Christ Jesus. He has not forgotten you.

It’s your move.

It's in the Details

http://bluemoondevotionals.blogspot.com/2010/06/stop-signs.html

“Surrendering the story and it’s ending to Jesus takes me to a place where I don’t have to contend with whether the script is going according to my timeline or to what I want to see happening by now, or the faulty ways I’d have orchestrated the storyline and it’s outcome. My way wouldn’t allow room for all the equipping necessary for the victorious ending we’re in for.”

 

That was a reassuring thought I pondered the other morning.

 

There’s a reason I’m not God, no doubt, many reasons.

 

Clearly I’m nowhere near as patient as I’d need to be, I want to see things done right now. I get frustrating with all the “prep-work” that goes into becoming who God designed us to be. I get grouchy over muddling through the stages necessary to become strong and equipped. My heart breaks over the pain and agony that sometimes unfolds along the way.

 

And that’s just when I’m looking outward, at the stories unfolding around me. It’s harder to see the story unfolding in my own life.

 

We all have loved ones who appear to have hit “rock bottom” in their lives, sometimes more than once. It makes us cry, but it makes them stronger. I know a few people who don’t recognize the bottom even when they’re sitting there, seemingly by themselves.

 

Every “aha moment” we experience is ours alone.

 

I can’t give you an “aha moment” – though God may use my words or actions to bring you to that place. Nor can you do the same for me.

 

This journey of life takes a myriad of twists and turns through joyful mountaintops and grueling valleys. Some moments are meant only for transactions between us and the God that created us; they can’t truly be shared with anyone else, though we may wear ourselves out trying to express them, even trying to force them on each other.

 

There’s a guy on TV that’s famous for drawing you into his conversation, only to pause and say, “…wait for it…” before he presents you with his trophy point to be made. Life is packed full of “…wait for it…” moments. Too often, we refuse to wait. Our loss.

 

What’s at the end of the journey and all along the way? Joy.

We can’t create it or reproduce it, it comes from God. We can create happy memories, happy events and even moments of ecstasy. But God gets the credit for joy.

 

Whether you’re wrestling with the way your story is unfolding, or praying over someone else’s storyline, wait for it; God is at work in His own wise ways, weaving His joy-filled masterpiece.

 

Even when our mortals eyes can’t see it.

 

“…but joy cometh in the morning.”  Psalm (30:5 KJV)