Peace Down a Cobblestone Road

(picture from ebay)

As I wind myself down the narrow cobblestone pathway, I feel goosebumps on my arms and a shiver in my bones, though the scorching sun and windless day envelops me. I’m containing my joyful giggles because my upbringing taught me to be quiet at church. I want to run the length of the path, winding around gangly shrubs and old, faded statues, chipped and neglected; yet I tiptoe, slowly, enjoying every step with ecstatic anticipation. Tears trace my nose. I lick them as they meet my smiling lips.

I’ve seen the grandeur of St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, and Westminster Abbey; I’ve admired the spiral staircase at the Loretto Chapel and knelt in so many churches and cathedrals across the globe, large and small alike. I’ve been in awe of the structures themselves and the thought of so many prayers offered up over the centuries, knowing God has heard each one of them.

But, here, there’s a sweetness in the air, though no flowers in sight. The uncut grasses and unkept bushes are as welcoming as the arms of Jesus Himself. I might have missed the tiny sign out front if I’d blinked, yet I know that God’s Spirit has drawn me to this humble grotto behind the old stone wall.

Normally, I’d take pictures to share, but it feels this like this is a place for Jesus to speak to my heart. As modest as a manger in cold barn, yet, He’s here.

I’m standing before dirty stones, once stacked high; the cove for a large statue of Mary has been battered by many storms, making me wonder how it’s stood the test of time? Tears of tenderness swell from within me, I want to hold this whole place in my arms, I want to embrace everything that God has for me here.

I fall to my knees on hard dirt, baked by the sun, but with a pull I can’t resist. I can’t even close my eyes, fearing I’ll miss something, yet everything fades away.

I’m shaking as I rejoice in the middle of nowhere. I can see an old picture my father painted many years ago. Jesus sits in the midst of children. From the folds of His robe, I see my little sister, peeking out at me. She looks timid as her eyes meet mine; she clings to His robe. Sobs overtake me. My little sister! My precious little sister, in this life so filled with hurt and sorrow, fear and abuse – hiding in the robes of the King!

Without a word of prayer, I know she’s safe with Him there, secure in the folds of His garment. I’m at total peace.

(picture from pinterest)

Vulnerable?

(picture from picsart.com)

Vul-ner-able

ONE OF THE SYNONYMS of vulnerable is ‘unguarded’. I would say that when we feel vulnerable, our hearts are not unguarded, but rather, being guarded by the wrong keeper.

“Jesus wept.” – John 11:35

I’ve often wondered why we don’t read that Jesus laughed. Surely, He has a sense of humor; He created us.

Childhood can pack away memories we carry with us throughout life. Catastrophe looks unreconcilably different depending on whose eyes we see it through. As a child, small things can make it feel like your world is falling apart, but to a parent who’s seen it all, it’s too easy to scold and cause the child to question their own feelings.

“Suck it up.”

“If you’re going to cry, go to your room.”

“Get over yourself.”

“Stop crying.”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, princess.”

“Do you want me to give you something real to cry about?”

But, what better example can we see than this; that the very God Who spoke everything into existence lets us look into His heart and see Him weep? Should we stifle ourselves?

NO MATTER WHAT THE WORLD DICTATES, no matter how many times we’ve been told that big girls (and big boys) don’t cry, or if we’ve received the message that crying is something to be ashamed of, there are times when tears are the only remedy in the moment. To hold them back cripples us. It can leave us in a spot where we deny what we’re feeling.

Now, here we sit in adulthood, unpacking our past and choosing what to keep and what to throw away. It can be a lot harder than cleaning out a closet. The memories we delve into have morphed over time. Perhaps we remember the words that were spoken, but have twisted the tone with which they were said, or even who imposed them on us.

(picture from ebay)

IT CAN BE very difficult for me to cry. Logically, I know it’s not only okay, it can even be healing to purge those tears. But, emotionally, sometimes the door to my tears is locked.

Even reading John 11:35 in context with the story it’s tucked into, we can still only guess why Jesus was crying. Was He crying at the unbelief that filled the hearts of His friends? Was He crying because His friends were upset over the loss of Lazarus? Was He crying in anticipation of the miracle His friends were about to behold?

No matter the reason for our tears, or whether we shed them in private, before our friends or in front of the whole world, God gave us tears for good reasons. Our tears are a gift from God. The writer of the Psalms even indicates that God keeps our tears. (Psalm 56:8)

Romans 8:26 implies that there are prayers in our tears, as the Spirit of God helps us pray through groanings which cannot be uttered.

Yes, tears are a gift to be treasured, not a curse to fear. They communicate things we cannot put into words. They’re not a punishment, or something to feel shame over.

Tears must begin in our heart, because that’s where mine get stuck before they even make it to my eyes. Seldom do I ever sob, and if I do, it’s for a minute or less at a time. My heart must be trying to protect me from something unseen, but overshadowing my brain.

(picture from etsy)

Galatians 5:1 tells us, to “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ has made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”

Whatever bondage grips my tears so tightly, may not be something you wrestle with. Your wrestling matches are your business.

BUT I AM DETERMINED to rest in the care of my Savior, and trust Him to work this out with me. He sent His Holy Spirit to be our Comforter, but we know there are stubborn children who refuse to be comforted. It’s time for God’s children to surrender and be healed. It’s time for THIS Child of God to let go, not only of this wadded up mess in the middle of the bag, but to give the whole, heavy suitcase over to Jesus.

“…and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7 (NKJV)

(picture from pinterest)

Come Back

 

(photo from amazon.com)

Pastor Ken Willard repeatedly drew me back into his sermon; actually, quite appropriate, since he brought a “Come Back” message.

Using Micah 7:7-8, he began to call us back. Not just to God, but to the land of the living. Let’s face it, anyone who has a working television in their home, or who plays with social media has been affected by the current state of our nation.

“Therefore I will look unto the LORD, I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me. Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in the darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.” (KJV)

I’ll admit, I never understood the latter part of this verse: “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17 (KJV)

According to Pastor Ken, this means that your friends were born to be there for you when you find yourself in a place of trouble. If we think we’re going to prosper in life, it’s likely we’ll need friends. They may not be lifelong friends that we’ll intimately share our days with forever. But the friends that God provides for your times of adversity could as easily be friends from childhood who’ve stuck around a long time, or friends you’ve just met.

Insisting on doing things without accepting help, may prove to take us a lot longer, if we accomplish them at all.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” (KJV)

“At the place of challenge, sometimes there’s a fall.” – Pastor Ken

When we’re challenged and we fall, sometimes bouncing back isn’t about proving anything to the challenger, but more for proving to ourselves what we’re made of.

But, whether we’ve “fallen away from God” or we just find ourselves in a tough spot, God designed us to be like rubber balls, not hacky-sacks. We’re supposed to bounce back. And we aren’t underinflated, so we won’t just sit there when we fall, we’re still filled with the breath of Life.

Realize this, we’re just as anointed while we’re sitting in that dark place as we were when we felt like we were pleasing God. His gifts and calling are without repentance, meaning He doesn’t take them from us. (Romans 11:29)

“The best place to be when you’re in the worst place is here, in the presence of God; here, in the body of Christ, with your brothers and sisters; the ones born for your adversity.” – Pastor Ken

Those weren’t his EXACT words, but as I tried to keep up with him, that’s what it sounded like to me.

So, think “comeback thoughts”. Let God light your way and look for the friends He’s already laid in your path.

There’s no depth that any of us have dropped to that Jesus can’t reach us.

(photo from ebay.com)