Vulnerable?

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Vul-ner-able

ONE OF THE SYNONYMS of vulnerable is ‘unguarded’. I would say that when we feel vulnerable, our hearts are not unguarded, but rather, being guarded by the wrong keeper.

“Jesus wept.” – John 11:35

I’ve often wondered why we don’t read that Jesus laughed. Surely, He has a sense of humor; He created us.

Childhood can pack away memories we carry with us throughout life. Catastrophe looks unreconcilably different depending on whose eyes we see it through. As a child, small things can make it feel like your world is falling apart, but to a parent who’s seen it all, it’s too easy to scold and cause the child to question their own feelings.

“Suck it up.”

“If you’re going to cry, go to your room.”

“Get over yourself.”

“Stop crying.”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, princess.”

“Do you want me to give you something real to cry about?”

But, what better example can we see than this; that the very God Who spoke everything into existence lets us look into His heart and see Him weep? Should we stifle ourselves?

NO MATTER WHAT THE WORLD DICTATES, no matter how many times we’ve been told that big girls (and big boys) don’t cry, or if we’ve received the message that crying is something to be ashamed of, there are times when tears are the only remedy in the moment. To hold them back cripples us. It can leave us in a spot where we deny what we’re feeling.

Now, here we sit in adulthood, unpacking our past and choosing what to keep and what to throw away. It can be a lot harder than cleaning out a closet. The memories we delve into have morphed over time. Perhaps we remember the words that were spoken, but have twisted the tone with which they were said, or even who imposed them on us.

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IT CAN BE very difficult for me to cry. Logically, I know it’s not only okay, it can even be healing to purge those tears. But, emotionally, sometimes the door to my tears is locked.

Even reading John 11:35 in context with the story it’s tucked into, we can still only guess why Jesus was crying. Was He crying at the unbelief that filled the hearts of His friends? Was He crying because His friends were upset over the loss of Lazarus? Was He crying in anticipation of the miracle His friends were about to behold?

No matter the reason for our tears, or whether we shed them in private, before our friends or in front of the whole world, God gave us tears for good reasons. Our tears are a gift from God. The writer of the Psalms even indicates that God keeps our tears. (Psalm 56:8)

Romans 8:26 implies that there are prayers in our tears, as the Spirit of God helps us pray through groanings which cannot be uttered.

Yes, tears are a gift to be treasured, not a curse to fear. They communicate things we cannot put into words. They’re not a punishment, or something to feel shame over.

Tears must begin in our heart, because that’s where mine get stuck before they even make it to my eyes. Seldom do I ever sob, and if I do, it’s for a minute or less at a time. My heart must be trying to protect me from something unseen, but overshadowing my brain.

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Galatians 5:1 tells us, to “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ has made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”

Whatever bondage grips my tears so tightly, may not be something you wrestle with. Your wrestling matches are your business.

BUT I AM DETERMINED to rest in the care of my Savior, and trust Him to work this out with me. He sent His Holy Spirit to be our Comforter, but we know there are stubborn children who refuse to be comforted. It’s time for God’s children to surrender and be healed. It’s time for THIS Child of God to let go, not only of this wadded up mess in the middle of the bag, but to give the whole, heavy suitcase over to Jesus.

“…and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7 (NKJV)

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