Rambling? Or Trusting the Process....

 

(Me, looking focused!)

I’ve been slacking, I apologize. Sometimes circumstances get in my way and I let them.

I’ve been incredibly tired lately and I’ve used it as an excuse not to do all the things I would normally do in a day. Some days I feel like I could sleep all day long and still want to crawl back into bed by 8:00pm.

But all my time hasn’t been downtime. I have been writing, just not blog posts.

It can be easy to let them slide, because, let’s face it, how many people actually read them anyway?

I’m 13 chapters into a new story, if I stick with it this time, it could really become a novel. Not like the ones I have tucked away in my laptop, but one I could actually finish and submit somewhere.

The challenge? It’s not my genre. Not at all. It’s a western – of all things. I don’t think I’ve ever read a western in my whole life. What makes me think I can write one?

Well, I’m doing what I always do when I write. I listen. And that’s just what I’m hearing right now.

I know, it’s very strange. Right? But then again – I can be a very strange sort of person in very many ways. So, why not?

I actively practice listening for the voice of God. But when I sit down to write, things just come together. Occasionally, they stick and I make something of it. Most of what I’ve written will never see the light of day.

Like right now. I’m rambling on paper (a computer screen, really,) hoping something will stick; that something will stand out to me and I can delete what feels useless.

But tonight, I’m feeling like my rambling isn’t coming out to be pointless.

What if?

What if God can use my ramblings?

What if everything I write looks like ramblings to God?

Yes, like most of you (I hope), I argue with myself. Please tell me you at least TALK with yourself.

If I argue the point that no one reads what I write, I could conclude – then why write at all?

If I argue that I’m writing for an audience of one, then I could concede that the one is worth it – even if I’m that one.

Usually when I write, I feel closer to God – not that my relationship with Him is about feelings. But they help. Sometimes. Can I trust them? Probably not. That’s why I don’t rely on them.

But when it feels like God is sitting here with me as I type out my next words, keeping company with the God of the universe can be a cozy thing and I enjoy it! That alone could be reason enough to keep writing. Peace.

No one else in the world has to read a thing I’m writing, but there are reasons for it.

Even if it’s simply introspection or self-assessing.

Even if I’m secretly feeling for the edges (of my existence).

Even if I haven’t completely figured it out. Grace.

So, I’ll write. Till my fingers don’t work anymore and my mouth can’t talk to text; I’ll write.

Read what you will. Ponder some of it. Toss out the rest. Share what you find meaningful.

I might not even see what makes sense to you, tucked in here like a treasure or a secret. Maybe there’s nothing here at all.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5

A traditional Christian stand-by. What are you doing with it?