Standing on the Edge of Revelation

 

(picture from wallpapercave.com)

To me, intimacy is a big deal. I want intimacy with the people in my life.

I’ve noticed, though, that so many people in my life would rather keep to themselves. They don’t seem to want intimacy with their friends and family members. It’s not that they seem to have some big, deep, dark secrets in their lives that they’re hiding from people. Maybe it’s just that in a society that affords us so little privacy, they’re trying to create a private place. Maybe it’s just a matter of boundaries, of which I have too few.

The other night, in the middle of an emotional prayer… I may have gained a little insight on intimacy - or the fear of it. 

With great excitement, I prayed -

Heavenly Father, I love You. I adore You. I worship You! Help me to revel in You, to delight in You, to walk in Your presence and breathe my every breath in You, to bring my every thought to You.

Help me to see you with my spiritual eyes. I know that You see all of me. Allow me to see inside of You, allow me to look into Your heart. I need to see what You see, to feel what You feel.

Then, suddenly, I was afraid to see.
I looked away. My excitement went from a rolling boil to the simmering of a desperate plea.

Father, draw me close. Draw me closer and closer until I'm nestled in Your arms and can feel Your breath against my face and our hearts beat together as one. You created me and know my inner most thoughts, fears and longings, You know my desire to be completely immersed in You.

Don't let me go.
Hold me tight.
I need You.

Knowing intimacy is shared, fear wrapped her boney fingers around my tongue.

Now my prayer was filled with weeping.

Your love will be too great! Your pain will be too deep.
I feel as though I'll sink into the vast pool of Your love and the depth will overwhelm me.
If I drown in Your love, though I'm so terribly afraid of drowning, yet, let me abide there. Saturate me.
I long to explore the untouched places in Your heart.

Still afraid, but reassurance begins to creep in.

Your Word so often reminds me to fear not...
Your mercy exposes Your patience with me.
Your grace displays Your compassion for me.

I want to run completely into You. No looking back. No hesitation.
You didn’t give me a spirit of fear or timidity! You gave me Your Spirit of power, and of love and of a sound mind.

 

Questioning and reasoning peek into the conversation.

 

What will it take to step forward and leave my fear behind? What am I afraid to commit?
You are my Lord, my Savior, my God and my King. Surely my heart will explode with Your love. That’s a good thing! That’s the goal!

 

Submission falls over me with refreshing peace.

 

Father, replace any fear in me with Your holy boldness.
Have mercy on me, Lord. Snatch me up into Your arms of grace. Rescue me.
Again.

Again, I fell asleep as God continued to work on entwining my heart with His.

(from thommiodem.com)