Our Crazy Love

I hide the silliest things from people.

The other day someone asked me how Dave and I have managed to still be so in love after all these years. Besides the obvious, that God is the glue that holds us together through thick and thin, the only thing I could say is that we are without a doubt, the silliest, goofiest couple ever. If a sitcom were created about our married life, most of it would get laughs primarily because folks would say, “No one’s really that goofy that much of the time.” Hey – if you can’t laugh at yourselves and each other, a couple doesn’t really stand much of a chance, in my opinion.

Sure, you’ve got to be quick to forgive, generous with mercy and sincere compliments, but you’ve got to know you have permission to laugh; loud and often.

Yes, you need to build each other up and respect each other and speak positive words over each other; you need to pray over each other – sometimes out loud! But, without humor, we’d miss the best parts of each other. Don’t you think?

Whether we’re playing a board game, hiking together or simply watching television from the comfort of our bed, Dave and I know we can laugh, spontaneously.

Not necessarily the kind of laughter that makes fun of each other, but rather, the kind of laughter that makes fun with each other.

I admit it, I’m an oddball. But, I have to think I’m not the only oddball out there. Most of the time, the side of our marriage we show to the world around us tempers our goofiness. Sometimes folks may only see the facet of our relationship where I get snippy with Dave.

No doubt, if you’ve known us long at all, you’ll see the side of life where I’m “lovingly suggesting a better way to do things” – i.e. my way.

You might see our serious sides.

But, you probably won’t see even a measure of the silliness. Why? I ask myself….

Perhaps we just don’t want folks thinking marriage is easy? Nah. Everyone knows you get out of a marriage what you put into it. Well, in most cases. I think.

Maybe I’m actually backwards about showing off how good we have it. So many couples around us seem to struggle all the time. Wouldn’t putting our happiness on display only make them feel bad about their squabbles? Nah, probably not. Perhaps it would even be encouraging to see that two messed up humans can make it work for their entire lifetime together, despite the mountains they have to climb together and individually.

Maybe it’s the (false) idea planted somewhere in the back of our heads that whispers to us, saying that there are folks watching and waiting for us to fail? Nah, who cares what others think? If they’re thinking we’ll drift apart or face something marriage can’t handle, they’re wrong.

Maybe, it’d be considered bragging? We all know how morally wrong that would be, right? Nah, anyone who knows me knows I’ve screwed up a lot, bragging about something God is doing in our lives doesn’t even fall into that category.

Hmmmm. What could it be? Why would we be so modest as to hide our joy?

God knows I’m quick to brag about the grandchildren to anyone who will listen, and even many who could totally care less. Would declaring our happiness be prideful?

Maybe our happiness doesn’t need to be a horn we toot too loudly – hopefully everyone can see through the thin veil of discretion and knows how deliriously content we are in each other’s arms.

For the record, no one this side of heaven could make me happier than Dave. No mere mortal could love me better or more consistently, no matter what each day brings.

I love you, Babe! Forever and always, Me!

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” -  Ephesians 3:20-21 (KJV)

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4-31-32 (KJV)

“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” – Ephesians 5:20-21 (KJV)

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” – Ephesians 5:31-33 (KJV)

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you…. Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” – Philippians 1:3 & 6 (KJV)

Thinking Out Loud Ed Sheeran (youtube.com)

State of the Union Address

(picture from grandhaventribune.com)

Here in America, we regularly sit in front of our televisions or other internet accessing devices, to watch the leader of our great country expound on the state of affairs under his control. We call this the State of the Union Address.

Here in the Williams’ household, my husband and I occasionally sit down and discuss the state of our union. This fall we’ll celebrate thirty-seven years of a terrific marriage and, no doubt, this educational discussion plays a role in that longevity.

But let’s expand further. Every relationship we’re in is a union. What’s the state of those unions? Some are in disrepair and in much need of an overhaul. But, where do we start?

It’s hard to work on any relationship when only one of the parties in the union is aware that there are problems; perhaps impossible. One spouse doesn’t make the marriage work. There are plenty of marriages where one spouse (or perhaps both) is “putting up with” the other without saying a word. So, in name, the marriage exists, but the relationship is not “working”. In order for it to work well for both parties, information on the state of affairs needs to be communicated back and forth.

The same is true about all relationships, be it parent/child, boss/employee or friend to friend. In order for both parties to benefit fully from the relationship, it needs to work for both of them. Now, in a boss/employee relationship if the boss is getting what he’s paying for and the employee is content with what he’s being paid, in essence it’s working for both of them. Perhaps that’s all the relationship necessary. However, the more disclosure there is about what’s expected from each party, the more satisfactory the relationship will be.

In many relationships, we assume what’s expected of us; and we assume the other party knows what we expect from them. Not so. We all know what happens when we assume. Yet, we continue to do it.

This may be a lame example, but, if I assume Dave expects me to put his clean laundry away for him, I might be surprised to discover that it annoys him completely that I mix his socks with his underwear. We can avoid that frustration by discussing the issue. He can put his own clothes away, or I can learn his little idiosyncrasies. But without communication, a simple frustration can eventually lead to a big argument.

The same goes for all of our friendships. If we value our friends, we owe it to ourselves and to them to explore a state of the union address when necessary. We may be burdening ourselves down needlessly. We may be imagining offense where there is none. Or we may be the source of another’s exaggerated frustrations.

Now, unlike our president’s state of the union address, where there is no intelligent exchange of ideas, simply a rendition of what’s on the paper or teleprompter before the most powerful man in American politics [ahem], we can actually benefit by our commitment to the exchange of ideas about how things sit within our relationships. One person can never have absolute say over the union if the other is to feel valued.

One of my favorite scriptures comes from an Old Testament book: “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:” ~ Isaiah 1:18 (KJV) Our Creator goes on to say, “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

Even in His omnipotence and in His mercy, while pouring out elaborate grace on us, He invites us to reason together with Him. By example, He teaches us to reason with each other.

Who came to mind? What relationship in your life seems one-sided? Pray over the idea of exploring a state of the union exchange with that person, entering the conversation with grace and instruction from God. Divine insight goes a long ways.

This state of the union address is simply a conversation addressing the state of your union.

Ezer Part 5

If something is worth holding on to, it’s worth fighting for. When we’ve been joined together in a holy union, before God and man – that union is worth fighting for. Not much pleases the enemy more than dividing what God has joined together.

Don’t look back to past marriages or failed relationships. Fight from where you are, for what you have now. Looking back upon our broken relationships may reveal flaws in ourselves we need to work on, but we cannot look back and feel guilt over what God has already forgiven. God casts our sins and failures into a Sea of Forgetfulness and doesn’t remember them anymore. When we repent (turn away from) the sins and mistakes of our past, God no longer sees those sins and failures because His Son Jesus stands in the way, saying, ‘Now she is mine, I’ve cleaned her slate, she gets to start out fresh and new today and every day she belongs to me. Her heart is one with mine, I’ve given her a new name and a new mission.’

When soldiers are in battle, they forge forward to gain ground. When the battle slows, they can tend to the wounded around them. Forge forward as the strong warrior called alongside your husband, tend to his wounds as well as to the wounds of others as the battle slows. But keep your eyes on the Master, follow the commands and leading of your ‘General’ and He will see to it you come through triumphant. There will be casualties of war, because there are those who will insist on fighting in the battles without establishing the true and firm foundation from which to wage war. And there will be those who try to fight someone else’s battles. God has equipped you to fight the battles He has already seen the enemy contrive against you.

To be continued again.....

Ezer Part 4

As Christian women, as an ezer, there may be more than one man that you and I will be called alongside to battle with. You may need at some times to stand with your father, your sons, a brother or a friend. But after our commitments to God Himself, if we're married, our priority is to battle with and on behalf of our husband; the man God created for us to love and receive marital love from. Satan doesn’t like us being committed to that mission and plots ways to divide and conquer. Sadly, he’s often too successful.

Shifting back to the walls we erect and the doors we slam shut; too often they are doors through which the love for and from our husband is meant to flow. Sure, sex might be good. Sure, we may even spend time together on extracurricular activities and share a date night on a weekly basis. But what is the foundation of our relationship? Is the foundation one that Satan will succeed in shaking or crumbling like old clay? Our foundation has to be the Word of God to be a lasting and unbreakable foundation. When the foundation of a house is cracked, it’s very costly to repair – if the repairs can even be made. Contractors need to be especially careful when constructing the foundation of any building. When the foundation of our marriage begins to shake and crack, the cost of repairs can be extremely high, if not out of reach. An old scripture song tells us not to build our house on sandy land – not too close to the shore, but to build your house upon the Rock, so you have a firm foundation, not one that will shift with the tide. The Rock is Jesus Christ; God Himself.

The children of this world often achieve a self-contrived inner peace and relationships of harmony that rival those of the children of God. The divorce rates across the nation are the same whether yours is a Christian marriage or not. This should not be so. As Christian men and women we should be fighting for each other, not against each other. We should be fighting for what God has given us, not looking for something easier or what appears to be better on the surface.

To be continued again.....